There SHE is! The girl that you like. She is sitting alone, looking at her phone; the perfect opportunity to go speak to her! You begin to walk towards her, when a train of thoughts, questions, and emotions begin rushing in- “What will I say to her?”, “Will I sound or look dumb?”. At this point, you may even notice that your heart is racing and the uneasiness of butterflies are roaming through your stomach. All you want to do now is make the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts go away. This leads you to stop walking and no longer approaching her, leaving you with another missed opportunity to get to know the beautiful girl in front of you. Is this scenario a familiar one to you? You would be surprised to know that it is actually very common to feel nervous and unable to speak to a girl that you really like.
Why is it so hard for some guys to speak to the girl that they like? Keep reading, as this question will be addressed in depth and much more.
In this article, you will find:
- The reasons why you are unable to speak to the girl that you like- Mental roadblocks.
- How to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you from speaking to the girl that you like.
- How to approach and talk to the girl that you like.
By the time you are finished reading this article, you will feel prepared and ready to speak to the beautiful girl you been wanting to get to know!
The Reasons Why You Are Unable to Speak to the Girl that You Like- Mental Roadblocks
The inability to speak to the girl that you like can all be broken down into these categories:
- The lack of confidence.
- The feelings of extreme anxiety and nervousness.
- The fear of rejection.
- Not knowing what to say or how to approach her.
These categories are all mental roadblocks, which can be demolished once we addressed them individually.
- The lack of confidence: Confidence plays a big role in our ability to approach many situations in life. It is of great importance when you approach and speak to the girl that you like. One of the reasons that you may lack confidence is because you have low self-worth, you feel like you are not good enough, or that you have nothing to offer.
- The feelings of extreme anxiety and nervousness: For some guys, the thought of speaking to the girl that they like causes anxiety, uneasiness, and nervousness. What happens is that the body’s cortisol (the stress hormone) levels increase. This stress hormone is the cause of your body’s heart rate to increase; it causes your muscles to tense, and your blood vessels to constrict. No wonder your first response is to make these uneasy feelings go away, but at the cost of not talking and getting to know the girl that you like.
- The fear of rejection: The thought of being rejected may be very unbearable for some guys, and for good reason, who likes to be rejected? No one. But for some, this fear may be paralyzing, not allowing them to move forward with their goals- or in this case, not allowing them to speak to the girl that they like.
- Not knowing what to say or how to approach her: To others, the fear of not knowing how to approach the girl that they like, or what to say to her is intimidating enough to stop them. The fear of looking, saying, and sounding dumb is a rewind that plays in their mind repeatedly, and hinders them from speaking to the special girl.
If one or all of these mental roadblocks are applicable to you, then keep reading, as we will reveal how to overcome them and give you the mental freedom you desire to speak to the girl that you like.
How to Remove the Mental Roadblocks that Keep You from Speaking to the Girl that You Like
Now that we have identified all of the mental roadblocks, lets discuss how to successfully overcome them.
There is a lot that entails in being confident, and you can approach it differently to acquire the type of confidence that you are seeking:
Listing all of your qualities: When you struggle with self-worth, it is hard to see what it is you have to offer. Making a list of all your qualities and strengths will help you see what you have to offer. If you struggle with making such a list, ask someone who knows you very well to help you list your strengths and qualities. Often, seeing how others positively view us will help our self-esteem and self-worth. Remember, everyone has something to offer and bring to a relationship, and that also includes you.
Do not place great value on her looks: For some guys, the beautiful looks of a girl can be very intimidating, making them feel inadequate. The reason for this is they place great value on physical appearance. Reminding yourself that this beautiful girl is also human with virtues and faults just like anybody else, can help alleviate this feeling of inadequacy. Therefore, you should see the girl that you like as you would any other girl that you are not attracted to. This will help facilitate the process of approaching her and getting to know her. Who knows, you may even find that her personality was not as great as you envisioned, and this now outweighs the value you once placed on her looks.
Getting yourself ready with the right attire and good hygiene: We feel our best when we look our best! For this reason, make sure you always look your best in case you run into her. This does not mean overdressing or overdoing it with cologne. However, do make sure you are wearing nice clothes, you do not smell bad, and your hair is nicely done. This will help you feel more confident and will help you approach the girl you like.
Overcoming extreme feelings of anxiety and nervousness
There are different things that you can do to help your cortisol (stress hormones) levels to decrease and alleviate the feelings of anxiety:
Exercise: If you are able to exercise prior to speaking to the girl you like, than do it. Exercise is a great way to decrease your cortisol levels and therefore help eliminate anxiety. When you exercise your body releases endorphins, which are the hormones that help relieve stress and enhances happiness. These endorphins will help you lower your cortisol levels and help you attain a better mental state.
Deep breathing: Deep breaths is often suggested by therapists to help their clients attain a calmer state of mind. Deep breaths will also help you attain a calmer state of mind, especially when you are feeling nervous or anxious. Do not hesitate to use this knowledge to your advantage when you begin to feel nervous.
Talking to other girls: You can prepare to talk to the girl you like by talking to other girls. This will help you feel more comfortable being around and talking to girls. This will also help you feel less anxious and nervous when the time comes to talk to the girl that you like.
Overcoming the fear of rejection
It is not certain whether or not you will be rejected. Therefore, you must prepare yourself ahead of time for either outcome. In doing so you will be better equipped to handle rejection in the event that it does occur. Here is how you can prepare:
Don’t take it personal: When we are rejected, our first inclination is to take it personal. However, this should not be the case. It is very possible that the cause of the rejection could be due to a different reason irrelevant to you. For example, she is not ready for a relationship; she is too busy at this point in her life and cannot afford distractions; or she may already have a boyfriend. Keep this in mind, when preparing yourself for possible rejection. When you reframe it in this way, it will no longer feel so personal and will facilitate the process of moving on.
Acknowledge your courage: Many guys do not acknowledge or even see how much courage it took to talk to the girl that they like, as they are fixated on their rejection. Regardless of the outcome, you should be proud of yourself for surmounting the courage it took to talk to her. Acknowledging your courage will also remind you that you can do things that you didn’t think possible, boosting your self-esteem once again. This will also help you move on.
Rejection does not define who you are: There is a lot more to you than being rejected in the past. Revert back to your list of strengths and qualities, to remind yourself of who you really are.
Remember to use these tips along with the importance of equipping yourself mentally for possible rejection. You will be much better off in doing so, making you capable of moving on.
How to Approach and Talk to the Girl that You like
As mentioned earlier, not knowing what to say or how to approach a girl can become a mental roadblock that keeps you from talking to the girl that you like. Below are tips on how you can overcome this roadblock:
Your body language: When approaching the girl that you like, be aware or your body language. Make sure you are coming off as friendly and approachable. You want to smile, maintain eye contact, keep your posture straight, have your arms loosely on your sides and not crossed; and your body should be facing her when you are speaking to her.
Knowing what to say: When you finally approach the girl that you like, you can ask her questions about any observations you have made. For example, if you attend the same school you can say, “I noticed you are carrying a calculus book, I am also taking calculus, who is your professor?”. Once she answers, use her answers to keep the conversation going. For example, after she told you who her professor is, you can ask if she likes her professors teaching style, or you can share who your professor is; you can even ask her what her major is. You get the picture. The key here is to keep the conversation going.
What not to do when speaking to the girl that you like: There are also things that you should not do when speaking to the girl that you like such as: avoiding eye contact, speaking in a low voice, and speaking too fast. Doing any of these things may make it difficult for her to understand you.
Now that you know how to overcome the obstacles that keep you from talking to the girl that you like, you are equipped to speak and approach her. Remember to prepare yourself ahead of time for any possible outcome, and that the outcome does not define who you are. You can do this!